One thing that I have struggled with is my mom identity. I know that I am not the only one that has trouble with it. It was worst of course after I had my first child and had to get used to that new aspect of myself.
Not only was I me, but I had this little person that expected me to know exactly what to do to take care of them. And I had no idea what I was doing so I just took it one day at a time. Yet even after having three kids I just sort of wing it.
Which is pretty much how I approach everything these days. I dive in and try to figure it out. Now I see you. You’re trying to figure out how winging it has to do with mom identity and what it means to you and me.
Let me explain my thoughts on this a little bit.
Winging it is kind of my thing and it’s a big part of my identity outside of being a mom. In all honesty, none of us know what we are doing right out of the gate and are just going along with life as it happens.
This is a big part of fitting our mom identity into our existing lives. Most of us just wing it and see what happens. That is how it relates to your mom identity.
What Mom Identity Is
The concept of our mom identity is that once have kids that’s it. We are now a mom and that’s all there is to life anymore. Nothing that has shaped us up till this moment means anything and all other aspects of ourselves no longer exist.
THIS IS NOT TRUE AT ALL!!!!!
Being a mom is just one part of you. The other parts of your life and personality still matter and exist. You are still (insert other adjectives here) but you have the added label of being a mom as well.
Right now my oldest is a teen and my youngest is pre-k. So I have some experience in the mom category. One thing that helped the most when I first started struggling with my identity as a mom, was remembering my why. Why I was me. How did I get to be where I was as a person.
What I did was REFUSE to be seen and labeled as just a mom. Because I wasn’t and still not.
There is more to me than that.
I am a mom.
But I am also a daughter, sister, friend and there are several layers to my personality that come together to form me.
Shannon. The mind behind Shannon’s Thoughts and a lot of this is why I decided to start this blog.
It is a way for me to document my own struggles with personal development and becoming the best version of myself. It is a way for me to share that journey and what I learn along the way with others who might be on the same path.
Related Reading: Finding Balance For Busy Moms
Fitting Your Mom Identity into Your Life
Once you add the title of mom to your life it becomes a part of it.
Not all of it.
One of the best ways to fit your mom identity into your life is to carve out time for yourself. Whether it’s taking an hour each week for you to practice self-care. Or have a night/day out with friends. Take the time to remember who you are, and the person that you are becoming as a mom. Then incorporate it all together.
Another way to keep your identity and stay sane at the same time is to keep some of your old hobbies.
There is no way you can keep all of them. Especially ones that might not have been really good for you.
But things like reading, writing, going to the movies or the gym are all hobbies that you should keep up with.
And do it without the kids.
I know how hard it can be to leave the kids with a sitter or even just family. But doing this without the kids is the key to keeping true to yourself and being more than just a mom.
I Have a Confession About My Own Mom Identity
Even though I struggled with my own mom identity early on. I was very protective of my own identity that existed BEFORE I became a mom.
Even now I introduce myself to other parents as Shannon, so and so’s mom. I am not just my kid’s mom I am me first and their mom second.
This may sound selfish. But there are some things that we need to be selfish about. And retaining your identity from before becoming a mom is one of them.
Come to really think about it, that’s not all that selfish. In all honesty, I think that retaining your identity after motherhood helps to teach your kids that you are more than just their mom.
It lets them see that even though you are a mom you are still a person that has hobbies, passions, and interests outside of mommyhood.
And this can help them to develop and maintain their own identities as they get older.
Final Thoughts
Even as I have been writing this, all three kids have interrupted me about a million times. 😉 But it fits in.
The takeaway that I hope you get from this, especially if you are struggling with the concept of your mom identity. Is that it is okay to be a little selfish and protect your overall sense of identity. You may have to be hard on yourself and set a schedule for it. But in the end, your kids and yourself and even your spouse will be happier for it.
Any thoughts to add to this?
Let me know in the comments!