One thing that we often find ourselves dealing with are feelings of not being good enough. This is more often thought of as impostor syndrome or feeling like a fraud. It is the idea or thought that the only reason you have accomplished success is because of luck, not hard work. But it is more than that too. It is feeling like you don’t deserve to be where you are, whether it is in a job position or in your personal life.
This is something that I have often struggled with throughout my life. There are times when I feel like I’m not good enough at most of the things that I do. That I’m not a good enough mom, writer, waitress, etc. But there are times when I feel like I can take over the world and hit all the roles I play out of the park.
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Dealing with these shifts in thoughts and emotions can be extremely difficult. They can play hell with your overall feelings about you as a person.
Feeling like a fraud or instances of impostor syndrome can hold you back even while driving you forward in areas of your life.
Ways Impostor Syndrome can affect life
Feelings of self-doubt are common for most people. We often doubt our abilities at work and when dealing with social interactions. But if you deal with impostor syndrome AND have issues with social anxiety, the affects to your mental health can be bad if you don’t realize that is what is going on.
It can lead to depression, worsening anxiety and the fear that you are never going to be good enough for what you have achieved.
You start to feel like the only reason you are doing good is because of luck. Not due to all the hard work that you have put in. Or you feel like you can’t live up to others expectations because you didn’t do enough for it.
These are all things that can lead to depression, anxiety in social situations and to feelings of low self-worth.
When these feelings start to creep in it can affect not just you, but your relationships and job performance.
You can start to feel like you have to say and do all the right things. That the only reason people even listen to you is that they must, not because you know what the hell you’re talking about.
When you feel like this it can make it incredibly hard to move forward in your life. Projects go undone, relationships wither, and other areas of life are affected.
Impostor syndrome can happen to anyone. Most people don’t even know that is what is going on. They just think that is a normal part of doing well in life.
Brief periods of self-doubt are totally normal. But feeling like you don’t deserve what you have worked so hard for all the time is not.
How to deal with feelings of Impostor syndrome
The first step in getting past feeling like a fraud is to get out of your head. The constant string of “I’m not good enough to be here” or “I only got this job because…” is a large part of impostor syndrome.
That is why the first thing you have to do is to talk with someone, anyone, about how you are thinking and feeling. Chances are they have felt like that at some point too.
And its totally OK to have these feelings.
Especially if you have recently finished a huge project or entering a new relationship.
I have lost count of how many times I let the inner dialog dictate what direction I start to head in. Then stop because my feelings of not being good enough get in the way.
But over the years I have learned to talk with others or at the very least write it out. This helps to get the thoughts and ideas out into the world where they are less likely to lead me to self-sabotage.
By talking to others about what is going on in your head you can get the support that you need. And realize that it really is all in your head.
Things to lessen the effects
The next thing to do is to work on a way to shift your thinking or mindset.
Instead of always feeling like you don’t belong where you are. Or that you don’t deserve what you have, try doing some of these instead.
Before you go to bed each night write down one positive thing about yourself. It can be something simple about you or a project that you’re proud of. Just make sure that it’s something that will bring a smile first thing in the morning. That way you have a reminder each morning that you deserve what you have worked for.
Practice self-care. Sometimes when we feel like we don’t belong somewhere it’s because we are overwhelmed and stressed out. Taking time to take care of yourself goes a long way toward feeling better and finding balance in life. Just doing something for yourself that you want to do counts as part of self-care. Read that book you’ve been wanting to. You can start meditating or listen to your favorite music or podcasts that make you happy.
Related Reading: Finding Balance as a Working Mom and Why You Need a Daily Routine
One thing I like to do is to keep a journal of thoughts and quotes that inspire me. This also gives me a place to write down things that happened that day that made me smile or funny things the kids did. Journaling is a wonderful way to get out of your head and get a measure of peace in your thoughts.
The journals from Panda Planner are great for this. They are super inspirational and easy to use. They have so many styles to choose from and you can find the perfect one for your needs.
One last thing you can do is to get out of the city and into nature. Taking a drive through the countryside, a walk or a hike are all ways that you can get out into nature. It also gives you a chance to connect with the world around you and gain a bit of inner peace.
How to make the most of it
There are always going to be times that impostor syndrome will creep up on you out of nowhere.
The most important thing that you can do is to recognize it when it happens. If you are aware that these feelings do happen, not just to you, but most people.
Then you are better equipped to handle the effects that it can have on you. Finding what works for you to deal with it is the most important thing.
If you play video games to relax, go play your favorite game.
Mabey painting or sketching is your jam, go for it. It doesn’t matter if it is something that you even let others know you do. Just do what you need to.
Flipping the switch in your head from I don’t deserve this to I totally got this is tough. But it can be done. Working on changing your mindset and outlook is just the first step.
Actively believing that you deserve everything that you have worked hard to achieve is the next.
Final thoughts on Impostor Syndrome
In the end it all boils down to one thing. Believing in yourself and knowing that you are not alone are what will help you to get past feeling like an impostor or a fraud. Talk to others, write it out, and take care of yourself. You will start to see the changes in how you feel about your accomplishments, and how you feel about yourself too.
What are some things that you have found to help with these kinds of feelings? Let me know in the comments!
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